A Studious Affection
by Harmoniche
Summary: Ryoji finds himself studying her-and getting increasingly jealous-as she works. Can he control himself? Or will he give into his desires to see her? Rated T for making out in closets.


_This is a little one-shot I decided to do. Pretty pathetic, but there are some parts of it that I really like. 3 I just finished re-editing Panacea's first chapter and re-published it, so I can work on the second chapter later. Hopefully you guys enjoy this one. I've been noticing that I use dashes way too much, so I went back and fixed it up a bit. Hopefully that helps. R & R, please. _

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><p><strong>A Studious Affection<strong>

Studying, was what it was. Ryoji always found himself in the midst of a deep study session.

It wasn't mathematics, or foreign languages-but a girl. Somehow he found himself memorizing her reactions, subtle pieces of herself visual to the world, only seen by those who took the utmost care in finding them. These were small pieces of her that he allowed himself to carry with him.

Ryoji paid no heed to the girls who fluttered around him, insisting on dragging him to various places. He likes this spot. Sitting on a bench in the middle of Paulownia mall was not the most delicate of spots to situate himself in, but from here he could watch the girl as she scurried around Chagall Cafe, taking orders left and right. There were downsides, mind you. The annoying babbling that was all around him... and the men-ugh, the _men. _Each sliver of interaction with the opposite sex she had left him raging, left him thinking: _Look at me. _Each of those little boys thinking they had a chance with her granted a certain feeling, called 'envy'. It confused him, and granted more of the strange emotions to match. He found it ironic how he could feel such _love_, then such resentment all at once.

The chattering around him stopped-a rare occurrence since he had transferred here. The girls who hadn't yet a preference over the boys in the school now flocked to him for superficial company and ego-boosting. A tiring job, for he allowed them to play with him and they allowed themselves to be played with.

With each day his attention became more and more strewn across Iwatodai. Flickers-_memories_ all scattered in each of his visitations-all filled with _her_. His attention was always at the window in class as female gazes were traced back to him. Ryoji was not looking through the window-but at a reflection within it, trying to catch glimpses of the brunette in the middle aisle of the classroom. Each straying look towards the window from both parties furthered his insecurities-his _vulnerabilities_. This, however, did not stop the dizzying warmth that made him forget his melancholy as they exchanged glances through the window. It was the only time that he didn't see it as a mirror, but a looking glass.

Distant voices called to him as he was thrown back into reality. "-oji! Jeez! Were you even listening?" His gazed lingered on Aurora for a few more moments before his head snapped towards the group of girls. He flashed them a smile before uttering words of flattery and reassurance. Simple excuses to hide his true affections. They seemed appeased-for now-but one of the many things he had learned about women like this was that nothing was enough for them.

For the first time since he came here, Ryoji felt exhausted. Usually he was pretty good about faking a smile for a while. It wasn't like he hated these girls, or found them completely annoying. It was more of the case that he simply wasn't interested. He didn't even know why he acted like this anymore. Did he ever really know?

An idea. A moment of slight insanity produced a thought: What... what would happen if he simply left these girls to their own devices to visit Aurora? It wouldn't be so bad, right? Ryoji's heart began to race at the the thought. His breathing quickened at the unfamiliar feelings and sensations. There... was this dizzying feeling that he was on air. Before the boy knew it, his body had begun to move on its own. At first they were like baby steps, then he found himself running toward the cafe, desperate and confused at his newfound emotions.

He was surprised that the girls didn't notice his disappearance as he hastened his steps, trying to find the girl. He couldn't breathe. It was a terrifying feeling. _If I breathe now... The world might see me. Just her-only her. I'll see her as she'll only see me._ Brief thoughts of the consequences of his future actions passed by. He didn't care. Ryoji couldn't deny himself-not with the way his heart palpitated in earnest. It felt _wrong, _for his heart might burst if his needs were not met.

His eyes darted around the cafe, vision hazy and clouded with these stupid, _stupid _emotions. Desperate, Ryoji looked around the staff area, scattered, running a hand through the black locks of his hair. He saw her give her co-worker a dismissive laugh. His mouth went dry and his fingers grew clammy with frustration. Any moment, and he would snap. Then she saw him-and there was colour in the world. The air was knocked out of his chest and he went to her, giddy and fearful. Her look of surprise and words of 'hello' were lost as he grabbed the girl by the arm and dragged her into the closet three feet away.

"Ryoji? What the-?"

Three words to describe his need.

"I want you."

The whisper dissipated as his lips crashed into hers. Moments of surprised diminished as he continues. Each kiss is filled with an irrefutable passion that drives him mad. All the boy can think of is, _more._

Thoughts were inhibited as his hands roamed. Soft moans and gentle bites... and time passing with a cackling laugh, cooing that it won't last forever. He doesn't care right now-he _can't_ care right now. All he wants is to be closer to her-always_ closer_. Ryoji chuckles, as he hasn't the slightest idea what he's doing anymore. His fingers clasped one thigh as he pulled her towards him with an unusual roughness.

It was no longer a simple desire; it was now a compulsive need that would never rest. It was a need so vital that he genuinely feared that he might die if it were not sated. Her pale fingers clash violently against his raven hair as they twine with the soft material. She lets out such sounds that he truly pities himself, as he has to silence each one with his lips.

The dam of self control breaks as she whispers his name. Taunting fingers trace the contours of his body, teasing him with her soft laughter. The nostalgia gnaws within him and he bats it away reasoning that is so true, he cannot help but laugh: I'm happy.

Ryoji's in a frenzy, now. Each look shared drives him wild-the knowledge that she _sees him_ drives him wild. He only wants her more, but he's terrified. So very, very terrified as he holds the delicate girl in his arm, planting kisses on her neck. He knows he'll break her one day.

It doesn't matter what I do, he remembers. I'll be gone after my pathetic promises. As much as Ryoji felt he deserved to be _hurt_-to be _punished_-he couldn't deny that breaking her heart would break him. Even if he didn't deserve to feel the simplest of pains and the most complicated of pleasures.

But the _pleasure_... She was his pleasure. Forbidden, and _oh_, so sweet. Marks of love blossom beautifully on her neck in the darkness, tinged bright blue. Then the illusion is shattered as another voices calls her name with their lips. They stand, deathly quiet and cramped together in the small space of the closet. Neither of them moves, only shifting their eyes to look at the door in anxiousness.

"O-oh. I think she went home, sir. She really didn't look too good."

"Oh? Well, I hope she feels better next time."

They sigh in relief at the cover-up.

The girl grins. "Shall we continue?"

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><p>The two walk out of Chagall Cafe gleefully, holding hands as if they haven't a care in the world. They're laughing happily, singing a song of laughs as they pass right by the group of girls Ryoji was with in the first place, not even noticing the glares and appalled shouts. Ryoji finally notices when one throws a shoe at him, and he ducks swiftly, still completely engaged in his conversation as if he was never attacked. Nothing else matters. They're in their own world. At this, Ryoji's heart finally bursts.<p>

He simply decides, "I'm too happy for my own good, Aurora." and laughs as he walks her home.


End file.
